Dating and emotionally unavailable men
He told me that he is that “unavailable” guy that so many self-help books and articles are written about.That wasn’t so unique in itself, but what he said next was.If you are emotionally unavailable, it means that you aren’t great at communicating and that you don’t like to “open up” or be vulnerable.The ability to be vulnerable and admit weaknesses or flaws is actually the sign of a truly strong person. When you feel nervous about something, say it; when you feel uncomfortable or feel like you are having a freak out or need more space — even when you know that’s a sign of your unavailability – say it.By sharing these feelings, you give the person you’re dating a chance to know you a little better.When you don’t feel like talking but she asks you to, say something like this: “I don’t know why I’m like this.Don’t set a huge, blurry goal like, “I am going to be a better person” or “I am going to try harder.” Goals like these are never met because they are, well, too blurry. Examples of simple goals you can set: I will start returning phone calls sooner, and when I am not interested in hanging out, I will say that directly (but nicely); I will tell a woman the exact behaviors I am now trying to implement to be a better guy and partner; I will call a woman on the phone more often instead of constantly texting; I will write a woman a card or note and tell her what I like most about her. Change because conflicts and disappointing your partners ultimately disappoints you, too.
I get that it can take time to open up at first, and a lot of men have fallen prey to toxic masculinity’s lie that men shouldn’t have feelings. Working towards completely opposite goals is just not sustainable and I’m done sticking around to find out how long we can wrestle with each other.
While I’m happy to be there for my partner in a time of need, it has to go both ways.
If you’re not working with me in the long run, I’m out.
Repeatedly hearing criticism about your personality is upsetting and probably annoying, and your unavailability becomes an ongoing source of conflict in your relationships.
No one truly wants conflict or tension, so one reason to become more emotionally available is to reduce the drama in your personal life and have more peace.