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On the other hand, herpes itself honestly isn’t that big of a deal for most of us.Although individual symptoms depend on your overall health and the strain you carry, for many folks herpes is an uncomfortable initial outbreak and mild recurrences, if any.To you it may seem reasonable, a matter of self-preservation. If you let someone’s herpes define who they are as a person and the role they will or won’t play in your life, you have reduced them to their STI status alone.

I have little to no interest in being with someone who doesn’t think I’m worth getting herpes from. If you are not willing to brave the risk of getting herpes, you are not worth my time.

Why on Earth would I knowingly choose to put myself in danger like that? But to me, it feels like you’re asking me to justify my value.

The facts on herpes are actually quite clear when you do research online: herpes transmission is not that simple, particularly when both parties make an effort to use condoms, antivirals, dental dams, and so forth.

My first outbreak was quite painful because it coincided with an infected spider bite, but now I show symptoms so rarely that I pose no credible risk to my partners 99% of the time.

In retrospect, if my ex-boyfriend had known he had herpes and told me before we started dating, I wouldn’t have done anything differently, and I would still have herpes today.

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